Monday Mantra: Home is where the heart is.

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I've just realised I am a robot.

Its sad to say this is true.

I over slept this morning, ironic really when I no longer have a job to get up for. But still I slept past my 'getting up time'; that time that gives me some 'extra time' to faff about so that I can still sit down at the laptop at 9am.

You see, even though there is no work to fill my day and I've yet to really start the next book I'm writing I still sit from 9am to 5pm 'working'... on what, I'm not entirely sure... but I feel compelled to sit. In fact I get ansy if I don't. 

The only logically explanation I can think of is that the school milk is tampered with. They lace it with some weird pre-programmable robot introducing hormones or chips or something because obviously I am totally normal!

I knew I shouldn't have drunk it as a child. [*reaching for the tin foil so the aliens can't read my thoughts* ]

Today's task: Screw the working hours... am going to do what the hell I want, when the hell I want to!

Monday Mantra: Embrace Life!

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Monday Mantra: It's not over til you're dead - don't waste it!

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Loosing your job isn't the hard part!

I know I'm not alone.

I know I am not the only person out there who has [at this time, or any] lost their job and somehow, strangely, there is some comfort in that. And I know that I am not the only person to face huge difficulties and obstacles when trying to establish what my entitlements are [if any] for social welfare.

[This isn't a 'woe is me' post, ok maybe it is... just a little but] I am totally flummoxed as to way this process is so down right painful and humiliating!

Having lost my business to the recession I am now loosing my job to it to [and most of my sanity].

That sucks, it does. BUT because I was self employed, and I don't have the right credits in the right years, or the right order or whatever cock and bull story I happen to get on the phone from all the Government Agencies I've phoned and because I was born on a Thursday, under a full moon I probably wont get a cent in benefits or allowances - but nobody actually seems to be able to give me a credible answer on this.

You hear stories of my 'uncle's, brother's, hairdressers, cousin' got the sun, moon and stars; is still working part-time and at college and on full benefits [ok I have no evidence to back that scenario up, but you get the type of 'stories I am referring to] and I wonder... why? Why is it that after 7 years employment, followed by almost 4 years of being self employed to I qualify for nothing... nada... [or so it seems... cause nobody can actually seem to give me a straight answer and every where I turn there is contradictory information...]

Loosing your job is heart breaking, emotional and scary... applying for [or at least trying to] social welfare benefits or allowances is worse... way worse... the system will chew me up and spit me out... and at the end of it? Ill be battered and emotionally bruised, with nothing. - Thanks social welfare! I feel my welfare has been really catered to!

Mediation for meditation

My dyslexia got the better of me yesterday. 

On my path to enlightenment and better focus I've been toying with the idea of doing meditation. Yesterday I decided I would do a little research to see what was involved. I typed what I thought was meditation into Google and glanced down the various entries it spat out at me and choose wikipedia's explanation as a good place to start.

You can imagine my initial confusion when the first line I read said ' Mediation, as used in law, is a form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR), is a way of resolving disputes between two or more parties. ' It took me about 3 seconds to realise perhaps I better try again.  I learnt three important things after that; 

1.  How to spell meditation. 
2. That meditation will not bring up any unpleasant memories or thoughts that I had been suppressing [one of the things I feared and main reasons I had never tried it before] 
3. Meditation does not involve chanting or humming [another something that had been putting me off]. 

Cross legged and hands clasped. 

I sat on the bed, relaxed and concentrated on my breathing. I was in the process of clearing my mind when the dog started barking. I tried to ignore her. Then the gardener started cutting the green out front. I tried to ignore him. I tried to focus on my breathing. Then I thought to myself this might make an interesting blog post. I then realised that my mind was supposed to clear and deciding now, how or what topics to cover in a blog wasn't the aim of the game. The lawn mower seemed to get louder and the dog was flighting with it for decibel space, my nose was focused on the reminents of carbon left in the air from the candle I had lit to create, what  I had hoped would be, a calm and relaxing space and then my mind wondered to what  I would do next; again defeating the purpose of meditation. I pushed myself to calm the mind and think of nothing; not an easy task for someone who likes to be 10 steps ahead at all times. I persisted for 10 minutes but between the dog, lawn mower, carbon in the air and my wandering mind I thought it best to give up, for the day.

I'm hoping today's attempt will be better!

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I'm back!

Much has happened in the last 4 months; I've taken a new job, had many scary fertility procedures, been driven insane by my hypochondriac husband, seen many friends marry, seen 1 or 2 buried, fallen apart, gotten help and am slowly on the road to [continue] self discovery and [hopefully] life fulfilment; or so the dialogue goes.

Regardless; I'm back! With loads of new exciting things to fill you all in on!